Minding Kikie

My heart hurts again. Don't know the future, but at least, I know my heart still works. :D

Have you ever had one of those mornings when you wake up and think that it's gonna be a beautiful day? I have. Unfortunately, not today! I woke up just like every day at 5am for my morning pray, then like always, I slept again, hoping I could get up 6:05am (and not 6:30am like usual) so that I could arrive faster at the office. But, my body didn't want to compromise and woke up at, yup! you guessed it!, at 6:30am. To make things worse, the traffic was BAD!!!! it started at the bridge near my house (where there's usually no traffic) --traffic. Next was the intersection where you could always, always!, see bad traffic, and today, there was a fire and a huge fire truck was parked in the middle of the street.. so imagine! So I turned and took another ways.. that wasn't good either. Highway.. Jalan Tol.. was no different today! TRAFFIC.. Puihhhh!!!! I supposed to know this by the way I woke up.. After 3 hours, I finally arrived at the office.. and.. the beautiful day began.....

I am watching 'Growing Up Gotti' as I am writing about this and just before I'm writing about this I was planning to write about being a slave. How I'm a slave now.. a modern-funky one, but still, a slave! ha! Then I saw how Victoria Gotti got to order around her staffs or friends or whatever, all these people didn't seem to happy (if they did, it's probably because they're on TV!), but she has the money so she can do whatever right? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! but in the real world, I guess.. I've been a slave for too long now.. man! can't take it anymore.. for all kinds of reasons.. I love my work.. I love what I do.. I just hate................................................................ it! Just now, I'm wondering what GOD wants me to do. Stay and learn more? OR Leave and just stand up for myself? Please ya Allah.. help me make a decision.. I hate this slave thing..!!!

capeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeek!!!!! ...and no one could even help me! sucks! do i push people away when they wanted to help me so often that they don't even care to lend a hand when i need it most? or... do i make it too easy for people that they just used to having me doing everything and think i don't need help? what is it????? GOD! i'm sick with this stupid fever and bad headache that doesn't seem to go away after three days! but no one seems to care... or at least make it easier for me to stay at home and get better!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!!!!