Minding Kikie

he was awake at 12am last night.. ..... ooohh.. jealousy. (edited) I wrote some pretty harsh thought last night. I didn't think I should publish it, but I want to remember the night I felt that way so I can't erase it. oh well..

Too many words.. Just one way to say it. Abaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaannnnnng... aku kangen kamu..... bangeeeeeeeeeeeeeeetttsss...

From Chicken Soup for The Soul. During one of our seminars, a woman asked a common question. She said,"How do I know if I married the right person?" I noticed that there was a large man sitting next to her so I said, "It depends. Is that your husband?" In all seriousness, she answered "How do you know?" Let me answer this question because the chances are good that it's weighing on your mind. Here's the answer. EVERY relationship has a cycle. In the beginning, you fell in love with your spouse. You anticipated their call, wanted their touch, and liked their idiosyncrasies. Falling in love with your spouse wasn't hard. In fact, it was a completely natural and spontaneous experience. You didn't have to DO anything. That's why it's called "falling" in love... Because it's happening TO YOU. People in love sometimes say, "I was swept of my feet." Think about the imagery of that expression. It implies that you were...

i'm back to being this selfish self again, which i totally don't mind, in fact i kinda miss her. i'm glad that i care less about things that i highly thought about these few months. i don't know how, but suddenly, it just feels like it's not worth it anymore to worry much. to agonize over stupid stuffs like getting hurt. i just got that person back. the person who guards herself well, that she wouldn't let anyone hurt her. you know, the pride one. i'm back to being her. i refused to be the person that i have been for the past months. i refused to beg. i refused to feel like i'm gonna get hurt one of these days. i refused to care much. i just thought that, whatever happens, happens. whatever will be, will be. because at the end of the day, even if i'm alone, i still have Allah SWT to keep me strong. i don't care anymore. and surprisingly, the feelings make situation better these days. pa, do you notice the difference?

The driving force in my life. The strongest person on earth. My mom. Yet, I never wrote anything on her, so I thought, I wrote a little something for her tonight. I have a quite strange relationship with my mom. Or is it normal? I don't know. But, we can't seem to stand each other during those happy and normal times, when it comes to difficult times, we both will run to each other for support. Sometimes, it's just so hard to talk to her, but when needed, she could be the one person that could make me feel better, even, about my worst situation. I remember those times when I was in junior high and she would cry in front of me over things that I didn't even understand back then. I didn't know what I did, I just listened to her and comforted her, and I guess it's working because every time she's in one of those conditions, she would call on me and cry. I also remember days when it seemed I didn't have the energy to live or even worst, I felt like killing my...

lately, i seemed to listen to all those sad love stories from my friends. the problems? well, classic. i love him but he doesn't seem to love me. i love him but his minds are else where. i love him but we're too different. i love him but i couldn't get over the fact that he still contacts his ex regularly. i love her but i couldn't trust her, i think she's gonna break my heart. i love him but he betrayed me. i love her and she betrayed me GOOD! i love him but he never wants to understand me. i love him but he wants me to leave him alone. i love him but he said he can't be with him because i love him too much. *sigh* well, so many of them, not to mention my own. those things left wondering this whole week. if love is so beautiful, why does it hurt most of the time from the moment we say 'i love you'? anyone? -i am just speechless-