Minding Kikie

 In the era where ChatGPT can write for you in seconds, I am glad that I used to write quite well without it.  During this sabbatical, maybe it's worth to start writing again. Maybe I will.

 2009 was the the last post in this page. Since then, another hole is formed in my heart. It is in the shape of my beautiful mother. I lost her in November. She has fought an amazing battle against cancer.  We found out about her cancer since May 2018, it was stage 4 lung cancer, inoperable. I'll be telling the story of this in several posts, hopefully, about seeing the doctors to get second, third, fourth opinions throughout the 3 years, about the insurance that we didn't have, about making tough calls, about hiding the truth from her, about the money that we spent and how my sisters and I worked together for this.  There were so many things I learnt in that journey, with her, with my sisters. It was not her battle alone, it was the whole family. It didn't break us. It made us stronger as a family.  I remembered when mom's condition got worse, but she still could sit at the dining table in her wheel chair already and had short conversation with us, she choked and sa...

not that my life has been every where.. it's just been off. somewhere. heading to an unfavorable place. but now, i stand beyond myself, and say, i will not let anything take it from me. i will get my life back. amen to that.

Kemarin genap sudah 4 tahun Bapak meninggalkan kita semua. Saya sendiri lupa dengan 'tanggal 20 September itu' [entah memang lupa atau memang sengaja tidak mau mengingat], sampai seorang teman mengirimkan sebuah sms yang isinya sih sekedar mengenang beliau. A simply great man in my life. Lalu, pagi ini saya buka email dan ada email Catatan Ramadhan dari Kak Hanni [thanks kak!] yang bercerita mengenai jihad-nya Kepala Keluarga. Jadi ingat dengan kisah serupa yang dialami Bapak. Suatu waktu Bapak pernah mengumpulkan kita semua dan meminta ijin untuk resign dari pekerjaannya. Karena he had reached his limit... Bosnya sudah keterlaluan dalam menghina Islam dan menghina Bapak juga tentunya. Akhirnya karena perseteruan akibat hinaan terhadap agama yang dipercayainya, Bapak ingin mengundurkan diri. Saat itu, kita semua bilang, we leave it up to you, and will support any decisions you made. But then, he never resigned. He said, it's my responsibility to give you a good life, and I...

Aduh.. kok Syaamil ku minumnya dikit sih? Stres!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Me and my husband are so alike. We are meddlers. Well, I know I am. As for my husband, though he won't admit is, he is. Examples of my meddling are too many to mention, and some of you probably have heard some of them. Like the one when two of my friends got married because of me. :) Or at times, when they fought, and I jumped in, and he was mad at me for jumping in, and he was mad at his wife because of me, since it meant that she told me. Then after that, he made his wife promise not to tell me anything anymore. Of course, she just said yes to make him feel better. And so many more to tell. My hubby on the other hand, always, always, always, says that he doesn't like to meddle. Well, he doesn't. Not all the time. But when he does, he does it ALL OUT. A preview for that matter then. His friend in school is seeing this guy, whom he thinks is not good for her. And what he did? He asked his friend not see him again, and even pointed out to his friend that her boyfriend is jus...

Belanja Iklan Rokok Sepi di Semester I 2008 JAKARTA, SENIN- Gencarnya kampanye antirokok oleh berbagai kalangan turut mempengaruhi menurunnya porsi belanja iklan produk rokok. Iklan rokok di seluruh media turun 7 persen dari semester I tahun sebelumnya yang mencapai Rp 748 miliar menjadi hanya Rp 699 miliar pada semester I tahun 2008. Kecenderungan penurunan iklan rokok ini, menurut Senior Manager Business Development Nielsen Media Research Indonesia (NMRI) Maika Randini, baru terjadi pada tahun 2008 ini. Pasalnya, berbagai media mulai memberlakukan pembatasan terhadap iklan rokok. Seperti halnya batasan jam tayang iklan rokok di televisi harus diatas pukul 21.00. "Sekarang produk rokok larinya ke sponsorship karena iklan di media dibatasi geraknya," kata Maika, di Jakarta, Senin (11/8). NMRI memaparkan belanja iklan produk rokok filter Gudang Garam Int`l mengalami penurunan 70 persen menjadi Rp 19 miliar pada semester pertama dari tahun s...

Dari Media Indonesia JAKARTA--MI: Belanja iklan semester I tahun ini tercatat paling tinggi selama tiga tahun terakhir, sebesar Rp19,56 miliar atau tumbuh 24% dibanding periode sama tahun lalu. Iklan terbesar berasal dari sektor telekomunikasi yang bersaing ketat dengan otomotif. Yang menarik, kali ini belanja iklan pemerintah terkait penyelenggaraan pemilihan kepala daerah (pilkada) dan pemilihan presiden (pilpres) terlihat melonjak hingga 79%, sebesar Rp769 miliar. Padahal tahun lalu, belanja iklan pemerintah tercatat hanya sebesar Rp429 miliar. Manajer Senior Pengembangan Bisnis lembaga riset Nielsen Media Research Maika Randini mengungkapkan hal tersebut, dalam keterangan persnya di Jakarta, Senin (11/8). "Belanja iklan pada semester I/2008 memperlihatkan adanya perubahan pola belanja dalam tiga tahun terakhir. Pertumbuhan belanja iklan terbesar terjadi pada 2004 sebesar 50% ketimbang 2003," kata Maika. Pada 2005, belanja iklan tumbuh 13% dan naik menjadi 15% pada 2...

Pia baru aja balik dari rumah ibunya.. Mama Elly. Dia cerita kalau mama Elly-nya itu bilang, Pia itu cantik kayak Mama Elly, dan bukan kayak Mama Kikie. Ini bukan yang pertama. Ini yang kesekian kali. Kenapa sih mesti ngomong kayak gitu??????????????????????????? Kenapa sih harus selalu mengatakan hal2 yang bua hati orang lain sedih? Daripada mengatakan hal2 yang tidak baik seperti itu, kenapa tidak berterima kasih karena walaupun awalnya gue yang menawarkan untuk merawat Pia, toh gue merawat anaknya dengan baik? Karena walau apapun toh gue tetap menyayangi Pia dan tidak pernah menganggap bahwa dia anak tiri gue? Kenapa sih harus ada orang seperti itu dalam kehidupan gue? Kenapa sih?

Allah itu Maha Mengetahui.. Jadi, walaupun kata sebagian orang (yang justru dekat denganku dan tidak mengatakan hal2 yang menyakitkan hati) aku bukan ibu yang baik, aku percaya aku ibu yang baik. Dengan caraku, aku akan menjadi ibu yang baik. Walaupun tidak sesuai dengan teori yang ada diberbagai buku2 pintar 'bagaimana cara mendidik anak', aku akan menjadikan anak2ku anak yang baik dan berguna. Amin. Karena ketika Allah menitipkan anak2 ini kepadaku, insya Allah, Allah Mengetahui bahwa aku akan menjadi ibu yang baik dan akan mendidik anak2ku dengan sekuat tenagaku. Dengan CARAKU! Bukan cara orang2 yang MERASA tahu cara yang baik. TITIK.

These past months, I often wish that I have the power to say that I want to leave this big house. The big house that my parents bought back when my sisters and I were young (and still think that nothing can set us apart). I don't why I can't leave this house. Many times I have tried but I can't. Maybe because I am afraid that my mom would be alone once I am not here, since all my sisters have their own place to stay, but most likely because I probably just don't have the guts to do so. (I know that some would agree to the latter, and not the first, since by now they would find out that their big sister doesn't have any courage after all). These past months, I also often wish that I live so far away from my family especially my sisters, though I can't because I depend on them on times when I can't even stand on my feet (not that this happens often, but the thought that some people are ready to lend their hands for you is nice). But living with families have...

It is so easy to judge people. To just tell people to their faces that they have done the wrong things. So easy. That we don't realize that what we have said might have hurt those people.

In the name of 'menjaga perasaan' seseorang, terkadang kita malah lebih sering TIDAK menjaga perasaan orang yang seharusnya lebih berarti.. capek.

remembering what i have done in all my career lifetime, where i have to organize an international event, didn't sleep to work on some proposals or edit articles, even built a school.. but tell you something.. the tiredness after doing all those works.. is actually nothing compares to taking care one of tiny baby.. i am worried when he doesn't drink enough, but then when he drinks a lot, i don't worry less. when he sleeps endlessly, i am asking questions, is this normal? yet, when he awakes like today, i am worried again, why hasn't he rest? ..a worried mom..

I am not wiser! I am not smarter! I am just an ordinary person with feeling.

aku kangen bapakku. kalo lagi kangen gini, banyak2 istigfar, karena kadang aku jadi banyak bilang " kalo ada bapak, pasti gak gini..." padahal kan Allah SWT yang Maha Melindungi dan Maha Kuasa. tapi aku kangen bapakku.

Kaya nanggung merefer kepada orang-orang yang sudah punya cukup uang buat bikin perusahaan atau usaha, namun berlagak seperti uangnya satu lautan dan seolah2 willing to do anything (or pay no matter how much) untuk memajukan perusahaan.. tapi nge-gaji karyawan pas2an, dan menekan cost abis2an.. intinya pengen dibilang kaya abis karena udah punya usaha... tapi PUELITnya minta ampun!!! Lucky for me, I spent 3.5years working for this kaya nanggung person! As a professional, I know I shouldn't talk about bad about my ex employer, tapi man oh man, semakin kesini semakin realize bahwa dalam waktu 3.5tahun itu ternyata gue banyak ditipu dan dikerjain abis2an. I decided to fully quit working for this person, last december, after she insulted me (again!). Well, you can say a lot of things when you're mad, but when you questioned my honesty??? that's just the deal breaker! I am not built that way lady! Tiga tahun gue disana, kerja rodi abis2an, apa sih yang gak gue kerjain.. SEMUA...

By Rihanna & Neyo Lagu buat abangku.. karena aku cinta dengan dia.. Yeaah heyy heyy That's how much I love you (yeah) That's how much I need you (yeah yeah yeah) And I can't stand you Must everything you do make me wanna smile? And then I like you for a while No... But you won't let me You upset me girl and then you kiss my lips All of a sudden I forget that I was upset Can't remember what you did But I hate it You know exactly what to do so that I can't stay mad at you for too long That's wrong but I hate it You know exactly how to touch So that I don't wanna fuss and fight no more Said I despise that I adore you And I hate how much I love you boy (yeah) I can't stand how much I need you (I need you) And I hate how much I love you boy (ohh) But I just can't let you go And I hate that I love you so (ooh) And you completely know the power that you have The only one that makes me laugh Sad and it's not fair How you take advantage of the fac...

Abang itu.. The only man (if not a person) who understands me. The most patience. Loving. Passionate. For me, abang itu, the best. I love you bang.

Yesterday, Saturday morning, I went to see the obgyn. My baby is now 26 weeks, everything looks normal, the only thing is he should weigh 900 instead of the 800gr I'm carrying now. I know, I am a little picky about food, nothing seems to be interesting to eat. I like to think that certain foods are delicious to eat, but then once I have them in front of me, the desire to eat flies away.. *sigh* Abang just hates it when I do that, and always double-ask everytime I told him I want something.. :( And this, most of the time, made me lost the appetite. Oh well. Now I have to eat more! Semangaaaaattt...