Minding Kikie

"Sebungkus satu.. Sebungkus satu.. Dua bungkus dua.. Dua bungkus dua.. Dua bungkus dua.. Tiga bungkus tiga.. etc" a stupid song created by me and a little improv from my half bitch to make it a perfection. we said that it's created for Indonesian kids to learn multiplication. when it was created just out of boredom and silliness. Real silliness. it's not the first time we have acted stupid, and certainly won't be the last. we have a gazillion of these stupidities on our sleeves to be shown to the world (if our skin is thick enough!) any time now. i love to act stupid. i love being silly. i love making up songs. i love making funny stupid faces. i love laughing hard because of it. when you are able to do all of these in front of someone, then you can consider that someone is your closest. i am glad i have those kind of people around me. just to make a Chintya Maramis or a Stephanie Zimbalis. to make stupid faces with the movement of my lips. to sing anything with m...

Could find a better title for this rambling aside from Rindu or miss. I miss my daddy. A lot. Last Sunday was the 6th month he left us all. Probably why I miss him a lot. Probably why I suddenly feel all these sadness again. Probably why I suddenly have those feelings that I couldn't get up again. That I couldn't continue with my life without him. That I wonder why Allah has taken himf or us. That I feel the knot in my heart again. I miss him. I miss seeing his smile. I miss him teasing all of us. I miss him trying to watch all those TV shows we watch. I miss him laughing. I miss him giving me advices. I miss him driving me nuts. I miss his car. I miss our dine-out weekend. I miss our porn jokes at the dining table. There are many things I miss about him that I couldn't say them all. Simply, I miss him around!!!!

Yup, What is a friend? Or, Who is your friend? I value my friends so highly, my parents used to say that I put my friends before them. So highly, I spent my time with them the night before my dad passed away, instead of with him, who was kinda sick that day. If you had the time to read my other ramblings on Uniform of Friends, you'll see that I don't have a large crowd of best friends, although, I have many crowds. But these people I mentioned in that writing are surely the best ones-or so I thought. Santi I have Santi. What is she for me? She's a lot. I can't even begin to tell you how much she meant in my life. I met her while taking my math degree. What made me friends with her? I dunno. It started when we were both pretended that we were sick during those orientation days. And the next thing I know, she was every where I was-or I was every where she was. Then suddenly, we were no longer Kikie and Santi, it’s Kisan. In one word. What made us connect? I wonder about t...

Could someone please tell me where I am at? All along I thought I'm at one good side, but then today, something struck me. I was not! Oh GOD, help me. Only You can help me. Only You can help me. Only You. GOD. Allah SWT. Tell me.

I made a new blog.. It's called Life Fictions. It supposed to show all my fictions.. And this blog would only contain all my ramblers.. :P So, I can post this short short whinings about my life.. anyways.. check it out. http://lifefictions.blogspot.com/ or Klik the link on the sidebar!

March 13, 2004 Year 27. Today, a year has passed and I reached year 28. Yup, I'm turning 28. Then, I asked myself, so? Rather than making me feel special, it got me thinking, HARD! What have I done for the past year? What has happened? Have I changed to the better? Have I accomplished my goal? dreams? reasons for living? Have I made my loved one happy? Have I made me happy? Have I made new friends? Have I met the Jack Smith, but got stupid and let him go? Those are just some questions.. trust me I have a lot! Well, let's see. Since last march.. Made more money.. Spend more money.. Met my half bitch, and have unimaginable fun with her.. Santi gave birth to Sophie who is now turned to be a very tomboy girl.. Have the lousiest date ever in my life.. Write more.. On my way to reach for my biggest dream.. Got the offer of a lifetime.. Met my old Jack Smith.. Letting go a perfect man and be happy about it.. Met interesting people.. lots of them.. Realizing that my family is the most ...

This week something has happened to me. I have been living in this uncertainty for quite a long time, not because I love it, not because I crave for it, not because I can't live without it, well, it's just because... To tell you the truth, I never even think about this uncertainty anymore, not for a long long time at least! Until one stupid night, when the uncertainty came back to haunt me, to bother my quiet life, to mess up-again!-with my mind. I asked GOD what that meant. I asked GOD why it happened. I asked GOD whether it's a sign. GOD didn't answer me right away. Instead, He let me wait. He let me see. He let me feel this uncertainty. And today, I got the answer to my questions. I finally have the answer. The answer to my uncertainty. It's always been certain that things are always like that with uncertainty. That the uncertainty will never change. That if I have the uncertainty in my life all the time I will be hurt. That the uncertainty is just another piece ...