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Ramadhan

Indah banget yah Ramadhan itu.. Merasa gak sih? [tauk gak sih, i've been here for 15 minutes trying to describe how beautiful it is.. but to no avail] the peace. the serenity. the surrender to the almighty. the everything. it's just beautiful. you gotta experience it yourself to feel the beauty. Alhamdulillahirrabbil alamiiin..
ada apa dengan aku?

Tak Berdaya

Aku selalu sadar bahwa aku ini tidak berdaya, apalagi di hadapan-Nya. Bahwa apa yang terjadi dalam hidup ini, apa yang dirasakan oleh orang yang kita cintai, hal-hal yang diinginkan oleh mereka yang kita kasihi, semuanya tak ada yang dapat kita atur jalannya. Hari ini kembali aku diingatkan akan ketidakberdayaanku, akan lemahnya tubuhku ini, betapa inginku sangat kecil dan hampir tidak berarti, bahwa temanku hanyalah Allah SWT, bahwa tempatku meminta adalah Allah SWT, bahwa ketidakberdayaanku hanya dapat dijawab oleh Allah SWT, bahwa Allah SWT-lah yang akan memegang kuat tanganku, menuntunku, menjawab pasrahku, karena aku tidak berdaya, dalam inginku. Dalam ketidakberdayaan ini, aku menjadi sadar, akan indahnya pasrahku kepada-Nya. Allahku yang Maha Baik, aku tahu begitu banyak dosa yang telah aku perbuat, begitu banyak aku tidak melaksanakan apa yang Engkau perintahkan, begitu banyak inginku jika dibandingkan dengan patuhku.. Allah yang Maha Adil, Engkau maha mengetahui apa yang ada d...

there's this office..

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there's this office, where all the employees could just be one of the members of Srimulat, you know, that group of very-silly-and-sometimes-rude-and-stupid-comedians. there's this office, where all we did beside work, is bullying each other, eavesdropping at others' phone conversations (and making the eavesdropping obvious by suddenly giving unwanted comments or answers to some questions asked to the person on the other line), laughing, laughing and laughing. there's this office, where, yes, we still talk about each other (and yes, it's behind their back), but during one of these conversations, we never meant what we said, or even said anything that could harm this person's reputation. when we do talk about each other, somehow, we will repeat it again in front of that person, while laughing our heart off. that person, of course, will frown, but it will only generate more laugh and will not stop the talk in any ways. there's this office, where secrets seem li...

cemburu.

aku begitu cemburu. kepada orang-orang yang begitu dicintai, dan merasakan hangatnya cintai kekasih.. lalu aku bertanya: kenapa bukan aku?

[sigh]

sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh...
Give Me A Break!!!!! I have. What kind of break do you want? You are 22 hours a day without me, isn't that a break already? 2 hours is all i ask every day, and that has to be given by silencing and not saying anything, and when you do say something, it sounded like you are in prison or you're just not interested. what kind of break do you want? i won't say the 'D' word anymore, because it hurts me more than it hurts you. what kind of break do you want? do you want me out of this world? out of your life? what kind of break do you want? tell me. for a friend who is tired. yes, if dead is ever an option, it might be the best way, but Allah gives us life to be grateful and to fight. if he says, give me a break, you give him a break, he might appreciate you more in your absence! *sigh.. he might!*

oh well ya Allah..

Oh well ya Allah.. I remember this one time i ever asked Allah SWT with WHY. When He took my dad away. I asked a lot of why's those days. Now, I am asking him again with lots of why's. Ya Allah, I just want to be happy. Is it too much to ask? Ya Allah, I just want to be loved. Is it also too much to ask? Happy is in the state of mind. Allah might want me to be strong and be happy with what I have. He wants me to feel content with His Nikmat. Allah has given me a lot. Yet, He gave me pain as well to see whether I would still be able to stand strong inspite of everything. He gave me what I have now. Ya Allah, help me feel content with the promise of your Heaven.

CRAP!

I went to a movie last night with Abe, to see this movie Lake House starring Sandra Bullock and Keanu Reeves. What made me see this movie? Maybe it's because I love Sandra Bullock. And because Imel said that it's adapted from Korean movies. And, you know what I think of the movie? A total crap! Really. Why is it a crappy movie? From the most obvious reason, these two love birds fell in love in 2-year-time-difference-scheme! How did that happen? Somehow, they can interact with each other thru this mailbox in front of a lake house that Alex's dad built and Kate lived in. Well, it's just weird. I didn't think it could happen in the real life, because if you change something in the past, everything else in the future will change as well. Yes, I know it's just a movie, but a movie has to make sense also. The details are just bad, and don't get me started there! Another thing that makes it nonsense is the LOVE or romantic part of the movie! It's a total crap. ...

jealousy!

he was awake at 12am last night.. ..... ooohh.. jealousy. (edited) I wrote some pretty harsh thought last night. I didn't think I should publish it, but I want to remember the night I felt that way so I can't erase it. oh well..

%&*(&*(%#$@#!#(*)

Too many words.. Just one way to say it. Abaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaannnnnng... aku kangen kamu..... bangeeeeeeeeeeeeeeetttsss...

Did I Marry The Right Person?

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From Chicken Soup for The Soul. During one of our seminars, a woman asked a common question. She said,"How do I know if I married the right person?" I noticed that there was a large man sitting next to her so I said, "It depends. Is that your husband?" In all seriousness, she answered "How do you know?" Let me answer this question because the chances are good that it's weighing on your mind. Here's the answer. EVERY relationship has a cycle. In the beginning, you fell in love with your spouse. You anticipated their call, wanted their touch, and liked their idiosyncrasies. Falling in love with your spouse wasn't hard. In fact, it was a completely natural and spontaneous experience. You didn't have to DO anything. That's why it's called "falling" in love... Because it's happening TO YOU. People in love sometimes say, "I was swept of my feet." Think about the imagery of that expression. It implies that you were...

back!

i'm back to being this selfish self again, which i totally don't mind, in fact i kinda miss her. i'm glad that i care less about things that i highly thought about these few months. i don't know how, but suddenly, it just feels like it's not worth it anymore to worry much. to agonize over stupid stuffs like getting hurt. i just got that person back. the person who guards herself well, that she wouldn't let anyone hurt her. you know, the pride one. i'm back to being her. i refused to be the person that i have been for the past months. i refused to beg. i refused to feel like i'm gonna get hurt one of these days. i refused to care much. i just thought that, whatever happens, happens. whatever will be, will be. because at the end of the day, even if i'm alone, i still have Allah SWT to keep me strong. i don't care anymore. and surprisingly, the feelings make situation better these days. pa, do you notice the difference?

Mama

The driving force in my life. The strongest person on earth. My mom. Yet, I never wrote anything on her, so I thought, I wrote a little something for her tonight. I have a quite strange relationship with my mom. Or is it normal? I don't know. But, we can't seem to stand each other during those happy and normal times, when it comes to difficult times, we both will run to each other for support. Sometimes, it's just so hard to talk to her, but when needed, she could be the one person that could make me feel better, even, about my worst situation. I remember those times when I was in junior high and she would cry in front of me over things that I didn't even understand back then. I didn't know what I did, I just listened to her and comforted her, and I guess it's working because every time she's in one of those conditions, she would call on me and cry. I also remember days when it seemed I didn't have the energy to live or even worst, I felt like killing my...

love hurts?

lately, i seemed to listen to all those sad love stories from my friends. the problems? well, classic. i love him but he doesn't seem to love me. i love him but his minds are else where. i love him but we're too different. i love him but i couldn't get over the fact that he still contacts his ex regularly. i love her but i couldn't trust her, i think she's gonna break my heart. i love him but he betrayed me. i love her and she betrayed me GOOD! i love him but he never wants to understand me. i love him but he wants me to leave him alone. i love him but he said he can't be with him because i love him too much. *sigh* well, so many of them, not to mention my own. those things left wondering this whole week. if love is so beautiful, why does it hurt most of the time from the moment we say 'i love you'? anyone? -i am just speechless-

My Sexy Love (So Sexy)

By Ne-Yo. Kata abang, he remembers me when he hears this song. :P [Verse 1] She makes the hairs on the back of my neck stand up Just one touch And I errupt like a volcano and cover her with my love Babygirl you make me say (Ohh ohhh ohhhh) And I just can't think (of anything else I'd rather do) Than to hear you sing (sing my name the way you do) When we do our thing (when we do the things we do) Babygirl you make me say (Ohh ohhh ohhhh) [Chorus] Sexy love girl the things you do Keep me sprung keep running back to you Who I love making love to you Babygirl you know your my (sexy love...) [Verse 2] I'm so addicted to how she's the sweetest touch Just in love Still to much say that I simp and I'm sprung on I might be your boy I can't you make me say (Ohh ohhh ohhhh) And I just can't think (of anything else I'd rather do) Than to hear you sing (sing my name the way you do) When we do our thing (when we do the things we do) Oh, Babygirl you make me say (Ohh o...

hhmmm

i did something different today. :)

pagi hari

abang, tahukah kamu.. kau begitu hebat di mataku. tidak ada perjuangan yang tidak mengeluarkan airmata. saat ini lah airmata kita seakan tak pernah berhenti keluar, namun semua itu insya Allah akan berbuah pada tawa yang tak akan pernah berhenti di masa depan kita. amin. love, mama

a love letter

abang sayang, it's 4:30pm on saturday. yes, it was one of those saturdays when i am just not in the mood to go out because again, it's just too painful to go out without you. sitting here. on our bed. remembering you. hhmm, how often have i done that? too often in these past five months without you. i remember you not only in the afternoon but it's constantly from the moment i wake up until i close my eyes. sometimes, i even remember you in my sleeps. i guess i just miss you badly. i love you. you know that? you ought to know that already, now that i marry you, aside from the fact that i constantly remind you about that. i really do. ask me the reason, like you did in november last year when we were just newly-jadian couple, and i still don't know. you gave me this strange-insecure feeling that makes me not hate you, but love you even more. people said that women tend to fall in love with a bad guy, i guess you are my bad guy in a way. hahaha.. yes, admit it baby, you a...

Masa Lalu

Aku sering bertanya kepada seseorang yang aku cintai, mengapa begitu sulit untuk melangkah dari masa lalu? Bukan karena aku sulit untuk melangkah, tetapi karena aku melihat begitu banyak teman yang sulit untuk melangkah dari masa lalu mereka. Aku pun terkadang merasa susah untuk pergi dari masa lalu, mengingat begitu menyenangkannya masa lalu. Aku terkadang mengingat saat dimana almarhum Bapak masih berada bersama kita, betapa indahnya saat dimana kita bercanda bersama Bapak di meja makan, atau saat beliau marah dengan kelakuan kita yang nyeleneh. However, sampai hari ini, terkadang aku masih susah untuk melangkah dari masa lalu jika mengingat Bapak. Aku masih ingin berada di masa lalu. Ada lagi masa lalu yang lain, masa lalu yang berbicara mengenai cinta. Aku melihat salah seorang teman dekatku (yang telah bercerai), masih mengingat mengenai seorang lelaki yang dia claim sebagai True Love-nya. Apa sih true love? True love, katanya, adalah cinta sejati. Cinta yang selalu dikenang. Cint...