Almost Five
Smile grows wider.
Hands fastly cleaning the desk.
Checking up the last emails of the day.
Favorite time of the day.
Time to leave the small cubicle.
Time to fly elsewhere and say goodbye to this building called office.
Time when it’s almost five.
Why is it matter when the clock hits five? I wonder. What makes five so special? Again, I wonder. I am only heading home anyway, there’s no party waiting, no husband, nor kids, just a simple dinner on the table. At certain times, I am sure that it’s my job that makes me feel this way, but no, because even when I’m having fun at it I am still waiting for the five.
So, what is it? After doing some thinking, I came up with an answer. Five represents the time when I could stop worrying about life for a moment. Worrying about whether I could live up to people’s expectation of me doing my job perfectly, about me being a good boss or a reliable co-worker, or even my own expectation to achieve my dream.
Five means to rest.
Really? Does it mean that when office hours are over, I could rest? Moreover, expectations stop, even those that come from my own mind?
Several weeks a go, my friend, Busan, shared his long time worries. It was not the first time I heard the way he felt about life. He thought that life was about fulfilling society’s expectation of you. Well, he might be right.
From the moment we were born into this world, our parents expect us to become someone, a doctor, an engineer, or if not all those then at least a good kid. To make them happy, we thought. So anything we plan to do with our life, we would like to make sure that we wouldn’t be disappointing them. Things have been good for me since my parents only expect me to become a good kid and I don’t really think about other people’s expectation of me, I am only focusing of what I expect of me.
Let’s get back to my good friend, Busan. Just like me, he has big dreams and high expectation of the world. He wishes to become basketball player, a writer and even, a guitarist who can’t play a guitar. From the regular cry-for-help-and-get-me-out-of-this-stinking-job sms, I know how much he hated his job. So, one day I told him to quit, stop whining and reach for his-so-called dreams. Guess what, he did. Now, he’s out there and trying to make it real for himself.
Ever since he told me the big news, I couldn’t stop thinking. I envy him. I envy his courage. I envy the way he made a bold move for his life. Like I said, I too, have dreams. Many in fact, but mostly I dream of becoming my own boss. Although, I don’t care much about what people think of my actions, I think a lot about the consequences of them.
Let’s say I quit, then what would I become? How would I pay for my-high-maintenance-self? Would I be living my dreams? Can I stand to be at home and doing nothing? Worst of all, would I be disappointing the two people I love the most, my parents?
The answers to all those questions are mostly a shrugged, because to tell you the truth, I don’t know. I don’t have a single clue of what might happen if I quit. What I know now, I wouldn’t be able to bear the consequences. That is why I envy Busan, because at least, he’s man enough to challenge the world.
There are no impossible dreams. They are all out there for you to reach, but in order to get there, you will have to sacrifice something like your peaceful life maybe. This is what we call consequences. Don’t blame other people, especially your parents, when you’re not out there and trying to make it, because the only thing standing between you and your dreams is YOU. I truly believe when you say, you beat the odds, you most likely will beat the odds.
This time, sadly enough, I also still believe that I can’t beat the odds and I won’t be blaming anyone for that. For not chasing my dreams, I’ll have to take the risk of feeling a knot in my heart every time I have to go to work and wait until the time when it’s almost five.
Well, that ain’t too bad for me, at least for now.
Hands fastly cleaning the desk.
Checking up the last emails of the day.
Favorite time of the day.
Time to leave the small cubicle.
Time to fly elsewhere and say goodbye to this building called office.
Time when it’s almost five.
Why is it matter when the clock hits five? I wonder. What makes five so special? Again, I wonder. I am only heading home anyway, there’s no party waiting, no husband, nor kids, just a simple dinner on the table. At certain times, I am sure that it’s my job that makes me feel this way, but no, because even when I’m having fun at it I am still waiting for the five.
So, what is it? After doing some thinking, I came up with an answer. Five represents the time when I could stop worrying about life for a moment. Worrying about whether I could live up to people’s expectation of me doing my job perfectly, about me being a good boss or a reliable co-worker, or even my own expectation to achieve my dream.
Five means to rest.
Really? Does it mean that when office hours are over, I could rest? Moreover, expectations stop, even those that come from my own mind?
Several weeks a go, my friend, Busan, shared his long time worries. It was not the first time I heard the way he felt about life. He thought that life was about fulfilling society’s expectation of you. Well, he might be right.
From the moment we were born into this world, our parents expect us to become someone, a doctor, an engineer, or if not all those then at least a good kid. To make them happy, we thought. So anything we plan to do with our life, we would like to make sure that we wouldn’t be disappointing them. Things have been good for me since my parents only expect me to become a good kid and I don’t really think about other people’s expectation of me, I am only focusing of what I expect of me.
Let’s get back to my good friend, Busan. Just like me, he has big dreams and high expectation of the world. He wishes to become basketball player, a writer and even, a guitarist who can’t play a guitar. From the regular cry-for-help-and-get-me-out-of-this-stinking-job sms, I know how much he hated his job. So, one day I told him to quit, stop whining and reach for his-so-called dreams. Guess what, he did. Now, he’s out there and trying to make it real for himself.
Ever since he told me the big news, I couldn’t stop thinking. I envy him. I envy his courage. I envy the way he made a bold move for his life. Like I said, I too, have dreams. Many in fact, but mostly I dream of becoming my own boss. Although, I don’t care much about what people think of my actions, I think a lot about the consequences of them.
Let’s say I quit, then what would I become? How would I pay for my-high-maintenance-self? Would I be living my dreams? Can I stand to be at home and doing nothing? Worst of all, would I be disappointing the two people I love the most, my parents?
The answers to all those questions are mostly a shrugged, because to tell you the truth, I don’t know. I don’t have a single clue of what might happen if I quit. What I know now, I wouldn’t be able to bear the consequences. That is why I envy Busan, because at least, he’s man enough to challenge the world.
There are no impossible dreams. They are all out there for you to reach, but in order to get there, you will have to sacrifice something like your peaceful life maybe. This is what we call consequences. Don’t blame other people, especially your parents, when you’re not out there and trying to make it, because the only thing standing between you and your dreams is YOU. I truly believe when you say, you beat the odds, you most likely will beat the odds.
This time, sadly enough, I also still believe that I can’t beat the odds and I won’t be blaming anyone for that. For not chasing my dreams, I’ll have to take the risk of feeling a knot in my heart every time I have to go to work and wait until the time when it’s almost five.
Well, that ain’t too bad for me, at least for now.
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