Minding Kikie

gue capek. andai kaki ini bisa berhenti melangkah andai hati ini kuat menahan sedih andai mata tidak lelah oleh airmata andai..

I received this email from Diana, my American sister, and thought I share it with you guys! In April , Maya Angelou was interviewed by Oprah on her 70+ birthday. Oprah asked her what she thought of growing older. And, there on television, she said it was "exciting." Regarding bodychanges, she said there were many, occurring every day, like her breasts. They seem to be in a race to see which will reach her waist, first. The audience laughed so hard they cried. She is such a simple and honestwoman, with so much wisdom in her words! Maya Angelou also said these: "I've learned that no matter what happens, or how bad it seems today,life does go on, and it will be better tomorrow." "I've learned that you can tell a lot about a person by the way he/shehandles these three things: a rainy day, lost luggage, and tangledChristmas tree lights." "I've learned that regardless of your relationship with your parents,you'll miss them when they're g

Indah banget yah Ramadhan itu.. Merasa gak sih? [tauk gak sih, i've been here for 15 minutes trying to describe how beautiful it is.. but to no avail] the peace. the serenity. the surrender to the almighty. the everything. it's just beautiful. you gotta experience it yourself to feel the beauty. Alhamdulillahirrabbil alamiiin..

ada apa dengan aku?

Aku selalu sadar bahwa aku ini tidak berdaya, apalagi di hadapan-Nya. Bahwa apa yang terjadi dalam hidup ini, apa yang dirasakan oleh orang yang kita cintai, hal-hal yang diinginkan oleh mereka yang kita kasihi, semuanya tak ada yang dapat kita atur jalannya. Hari ini kembali aku diingatkan akan ketidakberdayaanku, akan lemahnya tubuhku ini, betapa inginku sangat kecil dan hampir tidak berarti, bahwa temanku hanyalah Allah SWT, bahwa tempatku meminta adalah Allah SWT, bahwa ketidakberdayaanku hanya dapat dijawab oleh Allah SWT, bahwa Allah SWT-lah yang akan memegang kuat tanganku, menuntunku, menjawab pasrahku, karena aku tidak berdaya, dalam inginku. Dalam ketidakberdayaan ini, aku menjadi sadar, akan indahnya pasrahku kepada-Nya. Allahku yang Maha Baik, aku tahu begitu banyak dosa yang telah aku perbuat, begitu banyak aku tidak melaksanakan apa yang Engkau perintahkan, begitu banyak inginku jika dibandingkan dengan patuhku.. Allah yang Maha Adil, Engkau maha mengetahui apa yang ada d

there's this office, where all the employees could just be one of the members of Srimulat, you know, that group of very-silly-and-sometimes-rude-and-stupid-comedians. there's this office, where all we did beside work, is bullying each other, eavesdropping at others' phone conversations (and making the eavesdropping obvious by suddenly giving unwanted comments or answers to some questions asked to the person on the other line), laughing, laughing and laughing. there's this office, where, yes, we still talk about each other (and yes, it's behind their back), but during one of these conversations, we never meant what we said, or even said anything that could harm this person's reputation. when we do talk about each other, somehow, we will repeat it again in front of that person, while laughing our heart off. that person, of course, will frown, but it will only generate more laugh and will not stop the talk in any ways. there's this office, where secrets seem li

aku begitu cemburu. kepada orang-orang yang begitu dicintai, dan merasakan hangatnya cintai kekasih.. lalu aku bertanya: kenapa bukan aku?

sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh

Give Me A Break!!!!! I have. What kind of break do you want? You are 22 hours a day without me, isn't that a break already? 2 hours is all i ask every day, and that has to be given by silencing and not saying anything, and when you do say something, it sounded like you are in prison or you're just not interested. what kind of break do you want? i won't say the 'D' word anymore, because it hurts me more than it hurts you. what kind of break do you want? do you want me out of this world? out of your life? what kind of break do you want? tell me. for a friend who is tired. yes, if dead is ever an option, it might be the best way, but Allah gives us life to be grateful and to fight. if he says, give me a break, you give him a break, he might appreciate you more in your absence! *sigh.. he might!*

Oh well ya Allah.. I remember this one time i ever asked Allah SWT with WHY. When He took my dad away. I asked a lot of why's those days. Now, I am asking him again with lots of why's. Ya Allah, I just want to be happy. Is it too much to ask? Ya Allah, I just want to be loved. Is it also too much to ask? Happy is in the state of mind. Allah might want me to be strong and be happy with what I have. He wants me to feel content with His Nikmat. Allah has given me a lot. Yet, He gave me pain as well to see whether I would still be able to stand strong inspite of everything. He gave me what I have now. Ya Allah, help me feel content with the promise of your Heaven.

I went to a movie last night with Abe, to see this movie Lake House starring Sandra Bullock and Keanu Reeves. What made me see this movie? Maybe it's because I love Sandra Bullock. And because Imel said that it's adapted from Korean movies. And, you know what I think of the movie? A total crap! Really. Why is it a crappy movie? From the most obvious reason, these two love birds fell in love in 2-year-time-difference-scheme! How did that happen? Somehow, they can interact with each other thru this mailbox in front of a lake house that Alex's dad built and Kate lived in. Well, it's just weird. I didn't think it could happen in the real life, because if you change something in the past, everything else in the future will change as well. Yes, I know it's just a movie, but a movie has to make sense also. The details are just bad, and don't get me started there! Another thing that makes it nonsense is the LOVE or romantic part of the movie! It's a total crap.

he was awake at 12am last night.. ..... ooohh.. jealousy. (edited) I wrote some pretty harsh thought last night. I didn't think I should publish it, but I want to remember the night I felt that way so I can't erase it. oh well..

Too many words.. Just one way to say it. Abaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaannnnnng... aku kangen kamu..... bangeeeeeeeeeeeeeeetttsss...

From Chicken Soup for The Soul. During one of our seminars, a woman asked a common question. She said,"How do I know if I married the right person?" I noticed that there was a large man sitting next to her so I said, "It depends. Is that your husband?" In all seriousness, she answered "How do you know?" Let me answer this question because the chances are good that it's weighing on your mind. Here's the answer. EVERY relationship has a cycle. In the beginning, you fell in love with your spouse. You anticipated their call, wanted their touch, and liked their idiosyncrasies. Falling in love with your spouse wasn't hard. In fact, it was a completely natural and spontaneous experience. You didn't have to DO anything. That's why it's called "falling" in love... Because it's happening TO YOU. People in love sometimes say, "I was swept of my feet." Think about the imagery of that expression. It implies that you were

i'm back to being this selfish self again, which i totally don't mind, in fact i kinda miss her. i'm glad that i care less about things that i highly thought about these few months. i don't know how, but suddenly, it just feels like it's not worth it anymore to worry much. to agonize over stupid stuffs like getting hurt. i just got that person back. the person who guards herself well, that she wouldn't let anyone hurt her. you know, the pride one. i'm back to being her. i refused to be the person that i have been for the past months. i refused to beg. i refused to feel like i'm gonna get hurt one of these days. i refused to care much. i just thought that, whatever happens, happens. whatever will be, will be. because at the end of the day, even if i'm alone, i still have Allah SWT to keep me strong. i don't care anymore. and surprisingly, the feelings make situation better these days. pa, do you notice the difference?

The driving force in my life. The strongest person on earth. My mom. Yet, I never wrote anything on her, so I thought, I wrote a little something for her tonight. I have a quite strange relationship with my mom. Or is it normal? I don't know. But, we can't seem to stand each other during those happy and normal times, when it comes to difficult times, we both will run to each other for support. Sometimes, it's just so hard to talk to her, but when needed, she could be the one person that could make me feel better, even, about my worst situation. I remember those times when I was in junior high and she would cry in front of me over things that I didn't even understand back then. I didn't know what I did, I just listened to her and comforted her, and I guess it's working because every time she's in one of those conditions, she would call on me and cry. I also remember days when it seemed I didn't have the energy to live or even worst, I felt like killing my

lately, i seemed to listen to all those sad love stories from my friends. the problems? well, classic. i love him but he doesn't seem to love me. i love him but his minds are else where. i love him but we're too different. i love him but i couldn't get over the fact that he still contacts his ex regularly. i love her but i couldn't trust her, i think she's gonna break my heart. i love him but he betrayed me. i love her and she betrayed me GOOD! i love him but he never wants to understand me. i love him but he wants me to leave him alone. i love him but he said he can't be with him because i love him too much. *sigh* well, so many of them, not to mention my own. those things left wondering this whole week. if love is so beautiful, why does it hurt most of the time from the moment we say 'i love you'? anyone? -i am just speechless-

By Ne-Yo. Kata abang, he remembers me when he hears this song. :P [Verse 1] She makes the hairs on the back of my neck stand up Just one touch And I errupt like a volcano and cover her with my love Babygirl you make me say (Ohh ohhh ohhhh) And I just can't think (of anything else I'd rather do) Than to hear you sing (sing my name the way you do) When we do our thing (when we do the things we do) Babygirl you make me say (Ohh ohhh ohhhh) [Chorus] Sexy love girl the things you do Keep me sprung keep running back to you Who I love making love to you Babygirl you know your my (sexy love...) [Verse 2] I'm so addicted to how she's the sweetest touch Just in love Still to much say that I simp and I'm sprung on I might be your boy I can't you make me say (Ohh ohhh ohhhh) And I just can't think (of anything else I'd rather do) Than to hear you sing (sing my name the way you do) When we do our thing (when we do the things we do) Oh, Babygirl you make me say (Ohh o

i did something different today. :)

abang, tahukah kamu.. kau begitu hebat di mataku. tidak ada perjuangan yang tidak mengeluarkan airmata. saat ini lah airmata kita seakan tak pernah berhenti keluar, namun semua itu insya Allah akan berbuah pada tawa yang tak akan pernah berhenti di masa depan kita. amin. love, mama

abang sayang, it's 4:30pm on saturday. yes, it was one of those saturdays when i am just not in the mood to go out because again, it's just too painful to go out without you. sitting here. on our bed. remembering you. hhmm, how often have i done that? too often in these past five months without you. i remember you not only in the afternoon but it's constantly from the moment i wake up until i close my eyes. sometimes, i even remember you in my sleeps. i guess i just miss you badly. i love you. you know that? you ought to know that already, now that i marry you, aside from the fact that i constantly remind you about that. i really do. ask me the reason, like you did in november last year when we were just newly-jadian couple, and i still don't know. you gave me this strange-insecure feeling that makes me not hate you, but love you even more. people said that women tend to fall in love with a bad guy, i guess you are my bad guy in a way. hahaha.. yes, admit it baby, you a

Aku sering bertanya kepada seseorang yang aku cintai, mengapa begitu sulit untuk melangkah dari masa lalu? Bukan karena aku sulit untuk melangkah, tetapi karena aku melihat begitu banyak teman yang sulit untuk melangkah dari masa lalu mereka. Aku pun terkadang merasa susah untuk pergi dari masa lalu, mengingat begitu menyenangkannya masa lalu. Aku terkadang mengingat saat dimana almarhum Bapak masih berada bersama kita, betapa indahnya saat dimana kita bercanda bersama Bapak di meja makan, atau saat beliau marah dengan kelakuan kita yang nyeleneh. However, sampai hari ini, terkadang aku masih susah untuk melangkah dari masa lalu jika mengingat Bapak. Aku masih ingin berada di masa lalu. Ada lagi masa lalu yang lain, masa lalu yang berbicara mengenai cinta. Aku melihat salah seorang teman dekatku (yang telah bercerai), masih mengingat mengenai seorang lelaki yang dia claim sebagai True Love-nya. Apa sih true love? True love, katanya, adalah cinta sejati. Cinta yang selalu dikenang. Cint

...aku mencintainya, ...ia membuatku bahagia, ...kami bahagia, ...kami saling cinta, ...dunia kami hanya ada kami saja, ...kami saling rindu, ...ia begitu mengagumkan aku, ...kami adalah belahan jiwa yang begitu tepat untuk kami, ...kami mencinta hari ini dan untuk selamanya.. amin. - abang, i love you. You said, you couldn't imagine your life without me.. I'd say, I don't know how my life was before I have you in my life. -

i am not bad a mother...

Aku tidak pernah mengerti kata-kata itu sebelumnya. Leli selalu mengucapkan kalimat itu untuk menyatakan perasaannya terhadap Irul, katanya, 'Aku Cinta Dia karena-Nya dan Untuk-Nya'. Saat itu, dalam hati aku cuma bergumam. hmm.. bagaimana rasanya mencintai seseorang karena-Nya? I wonder, how you can do that. -Mencintainya karena-Nya- Bahkan ketika aku tak mengerti pun aku tahu bahwa jika aku bisa mencapai keadaan itu, dimana aku mencintai seseorang karena-Nya dan hanya untuk-Nya, pasti akan indah. Karena kita jadi tidak hopeless, jadi tidak berharap banyak bahwa orang yang kita cintai itu akan membalas cinta kita, dan jadi kecewa ketika kita tidak mendapatkan cinta tersebut dari orang yang bersangkutan. Karena cinta kita kepada orang tersebut hanya kita lakukan sebagai cara untuk mendapatkan cinta-Nya. Iya, cinta Allah SWT! Yang Maha Mengasihi dan Maha Menyayangi. Yang sudah pasti akan membalas cintai kita itu. Wah betapa indahnya.. tapi sayangnya aku belum bisa seperti itu. Me

Hari ini.. my dear jr gave me the best gift.. he read the Qur'an over the phone... It's so beautiful. Miss him so.. hopefully we'll be together soon :)

Hihihihihihi.. Email yang bikin hariku sedikit easier to bare.. *kangen*

what a strange morning.. *hhhmm.. how strange?* Sebenernya mungkin biasa aja, tapi hatiku a little bit strange.. udah lama tidak merasa seperti ini.. LAPANG.. Masih ada semua pikiran dan beban yang mengganggu.. tapi strangely enough gak stress.. Well, Allah SWT mengabulkan doaku lagi pagi ini... Segala puji bagi-Mu ya Allah..

Al Insyirah (Kelapangan) Surah ke – 94 بِسْمِ اللهِ الرَّحْمنِ الرَّحِيمِِ Dengan menyebut nama Allah Yang Maha Pengasih, lagi Maha Penyayang أَلَمْ نَشْرَحْ لَكَ صَدْرَكَ Bukankah Kami telah melapangkan dadamu (Muhammad)? وَوَضَعْنَا عَنكَ وِزْرَكَ dan Kamipun telah menurunkan bebanmu darimu, الَّذِي أَنقَضَ ظَهْرَكَ yang memberatkan punggungmu, وَرَفَعْنَا لَكَ ذِكْرَكَ dan Kami tinggikan sebutan (nama)mu bagimu? فَإِنَّ مَعَ الْعُسْرِ يُسْرًا Maka sesungguhnya bersama kesulitan itu ada kemudahan, إِنَّ مَعَ الْعُسْرِ يُسْرًا Sesungguhnya bersama kesulitan ada kemudahan. فَإِذَا فَرَغْتَ فَانصَبْ Maka apabila engkau telah selesai (dari sesuatu urusan), tetaplah bekerja keras untuk urusan yang lain, وَإِلَى رَبِّكَ فَارْغَبْ dan hanya kepada Tuhanmulah engkau berharap. ------- Pagi ini di tengah gemuruh hati yang sedang tak karuan (entah karena memang lagi 'waktu'nya atau memang selalu bergemuruh akhr-akhir ini), aku tiba-tiba teringat surah Al-Insyirah ini. Waktu Bapak baru b

duh, tiba-tiba kangen dengan bapak besar. bapakku. kangen dengan kehadirannya. kangen dengan masa-masa simpel ketika ia masih ada. kangen dengan ketawanya. kangen dengan senyumnya. kangen dengan kecerewetannya. kangen dengan judgement yang kadang2 salah. kangen dengan bapak. kangen. kangen. kangen.

*trus?* *clueless* but hopefull!

it's monday. no, i didn't forget it. i even counted it. waiting for it to come, because it would mean another week would come. so today week #2 begins for me and abang. *sigh* so pathetic, don't you think? i don't care. try living so far away from your husband, then you know i'm not that pathetic.. anyways, i'm praying hard, and trying hard.. so in two months we would be holding hand in hand, strolling down the streets of New York.. or LA.. or Miami.. wherever as long as I'm with him.. :) hahhaha anyways..

so.. what's up this wednesday? my hubby still in america. darn! miss him terribly.. oh well. i started going to the gym again this morning after a month break due to married and wanted to be with abang all the time.. heheh.. he left last saturday, finally. surprisingly enough, i didn't even feel like crying that day (so unlike the first one when i almost fainted because of it). the only time, i felt like crying was when they told us that his ticket was not yet confirmed so they had to put him in the waiting list. oh! i saw the dissappointment and sadness in his eyes, he's questioning why there are so many obstacles in his way to get his dream. i know he wanted this real bad, so i felt sad that day. i even wished that he wouldn't go home with me that day, because i knew he'd leave eventually. so, now or tomorrow wouldn't matter. i thought, the sooner i felt this pain, the better, so i can start curing, i can start getting used to him not being here with me, and s

lagi pengen curhat. hihihih.. lama juga gak curhat di blog ke seluruh dunia kayak gini. lama gak nulis. lama gak ngobrol. lama gak menyentuh dunia 'single' gue. emang gue akuin sejak bertemu dengan abang, dunia gue jadi agak berbeda dengan dunia gue yang lama. diri gue aja juga almost bukan diri gue yang dulu. entah kenapa. semua orang bilang gue gak sekuat gue dulu. gak setegar gue dulu. kata temen2 deket gue, gue tuh sekarang cenderung lemah dan rapuh. (i can sense their dissappointment in their tone). entah yah.. apa memang gue menjadi selemah itu? gue akui hati gue memang menjadi lebih sensitif, lebih gampang tersentuh, lebih sering merasa terbebani, lebih mudah menjadi tidak bahagia, hanya gara-gara hal kecil saja. apa itu gara2 abang? apa dia telah membuat gue menjadi orang baru ini? yang gue sendiri kadang2 gak suka ama dia. kalau jawabannya iya, maka yang timbul dalam benak gue adalah, apa yang abang lakukan sehingga gue seperti ini? apa? apa? wah kalau mau gue sambung-

if you ask.. i miss being ME...

last night we said goodbye's. for the first time. since we met. duh.. how am i gonna get through my days? how am i gonna sleep? walk? talk? work? laugh? when all i want to do is cry and be in his arms. this is only a first day. what would i be in two years? the answer would be: HAPPY because i know i won't have to get up alone anymore.. oh abang, i miss you like crazy.

i finally know how it felt to sleep in the arms of someone who is truly in love with you. know how good it makes you feel. know how safe your world is with that arms. i finally know how it felt to wake up by the touch of a little hand. know how amazing it is to hear the small voice. know that you're gonna be loved forever. i finally know how it felt to have a family of my own. know how it felt to love a person so deep you can't even describe it. know how it makes you stronger. know that you could never walk alone again, because you know how good it is to walk with people by your side.