Minding Kikie

Citra said something funny today that cracked me up. She has been stressed-out from her work as a teacher and the fact that home has been empty since wednesday since Mom is away on business trip to Bali and Leli is with her, while Ika is still in Bandung. So, home is basically me and her with Abah and Ngatni. Empty. She came to my office this afternoon [she is known for her stupid remarks when she's dead tired] and just when she was about to pray she said,'Thank GOD, the house will be complete tonight!' Then I thought, 'oh ya, mom, ika and leli will be back tonight.' Before I even finished my thought she continued,'because Bapak is finally coming home.' I looked at her and laughed and laughed and laughed. Our bitterness has turned into a light laughter in this friday afternoon.. Hehhe.. Yeah, I wish Bapak is coming home today. That will be COMPLETE! [but, hey, what is complete anyways?]. Mommy and Daddy Smiling Nurdin Clan...

Ih! Ada apa dengan hati sih? Ih! Kenapa hati seperti ini? Ih! Hati ini mengusik hidupku yang tenang. Ih! Aku tersenyum, tapi aku tak bisa berhenti berpikir. Hatiku tidak bisa berhenti merasa. Ih! Aku kembali lagi ke tempat ini. Ih! Aku tidak suka tempat ini. Tempat yang selalu buat aku gelisah. Tempat yang selalu buat aku menangis. Tempat yang selalu buat aku kecewa. Ih! Jika memang hidupku terusik, jika memang aku tidak menyukai tempat ini, jika memang hatiku tidak ingin merasa, mengapa aku memintanya ketika ia tidak ada? Ih! Bagaimana kalau kali ini bukan aku yang menangis? yang terusik? yang kecewa? Ih! Bagaimana kalau kali ini aku yang membuat perih itu ada, membuat rasa kecewa terasa, dan membuat airmata itu pilu? Ih! Aku bisa hidup dengan sedihku, tapi bagaimana dengan mereka yang menangis karenaku? Aku bisa hidup dengan kecewaku, tapi bagaimana dengan mereka yang tertunduk oleh kecewaku? Aku bisa hidup dengan perasaanku, tangisku, penderitaanku, tapi bagaimana dengan mereka yang

...kangen...

...and here i go again... so many things to say... yet couldn't find the right words for it. yet my hands are numb and can't type it. yet my lips are glued from saying anything. Sigh. how did i get here?

It's wonderful to know that a perfect stranger can make your sun shines brighter this morning. :) - a 'smirk' for someone who hates it so much.

September 20, 2004 5:30am I woke up hesitantly, contemplating what I should do after I finished doing my prayer. ‘Should I go to the office and finish all those works on my event. Or should I go back to sleep. Or should I exercise and burn those calories.’ After thinking hard, I thought I just exercised first, then took a bath, then went to the office. It was Monday and the day of the country’s presidential election. So I put on my exercise outfit, went downstairs, turned on the vcd player, and I forgot to bring towel for those sweats. Then I entered my parents’ room where I found my dad coughing lightly. I smiled, not sure at whom. But I just walked straightly to the closet where I could always find towels. Still hearing my dad’s coughing. ‘It must be all the ice he drank!’ I thought. Then he said, “Kie, don’t you know that your dad is sick.’ And without turning my back, I just snapped easily at him, I said,”Bapak sih! It must all the ice you drank!” He didn’t say anything. And I just

Oh.. I want so many things. In the morning, I want to stay in bed, I want to curl up in my bed, I want to eat good breakfast, I want the traffic to end, I want my driver to drive better, I want all the buses and mikrolets to not stop as they wish, I want all my dreams to come true, I want many things in the morning. In the afternoon, I want to have lunch at exactly 12pm because I am so hungry, I want to eat good lunch so I don't have to think about dinner, I want to laugh my heart out with the geng, I want the sun not to shine so brightly so that I could cross the street, I want to meet the guy who always wears black, I want to finish all those meetings, I want to be done with my work, I want a phone call from my next job interviews, I want many things in the afternoon. In the evening, I want the traffic to end, I want the highway to not full of cars, I want to arrive home before maghrib so I won't miss my prayer, I want to exercise for an hour at threadmill but couldn't si