Whining

Why is it so hard to love?

You'd think you have done all the right things to make the one you love comfortable, when in fact, you're driving him away with all the love.

I could be the queen of bad romantic relationships. Weird, because my friends come to me to solve their love problems, but when it comes to me, I am completely clueless.

Every break-ups, eventhough we eventually become good friends, are always hard. The reasons of my break-ups varies. From me being too independent to acting like I don't need men in my life that these men feel like I didn't need them. When that happened, I said, oh well, if that's what you feel and there's nothing I can do anymore, then let me go. They always did. Let me go.

So, I made a promise. The next time I'm in a relationship with a guy I would make him feel like he matters [not that the old ones didn't]. That he exists. That I constantly think about him. That I adore him. That I care for him. That I love him. Love him. Love him. Love him.

My constanly-working mind still thinks, but my heart will not.
My mind will see whether he's right, but my heart will not.
My mind will constantly ask whether I made the right decision, but my heart will not.
My heart will not.

Because I know what happened when my heart starts to wonder, it will doubt. And I don't want to doubt anymore.

But what love has done to me after I have done all those things?
It failed me, again. I was wrong, again.

Why is it hard to love? I thought, it was just as simple as dedicating your heart to someone.

It is natural when you love, you kinda hope to be loved in return. But what if someone were to say to you, they don't love you as much? What should you do? Should you stand by him and just love him until he loves you back? Or should you leave him?

Either way, you lose. The difference is when you stay, you'll have him physically. But is it enough?

Well, what do I know? I'm just an idiot when it comes to love.

Comments

MelMow said…
Kie,
Take love as a tree
Don't worry about how tall it will be,
Think & see how deep the roots have grown.
You can't say "why is so hard to love"...
You just haven't found the key to open the door, honey...
So, be patient & keep on praying ya...
Within this holy Ramadhan moment, hope all your wishes will be heard & granted. Amin!
9:05 AM
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