a love letter

abang sayang,

it's 4:30pm on saturday. yes, it was one of those saturdays when i am just not in the mood to go out because again, it's just too painful to go out without you.

sitting here. on our bed. remembering you. hhmm, how often have i done that? too often in these past five months without you. i remember you not only in the afternoon but it's constantly from the moment i wake up until i close my eyes. sometimes, i even remember you in my sleeps. i guess i just miss you badly.

i love you. you know that? you ought to know that already, now that i marry you, aside from the fact that i constantly remind you about that.

i really do. ask me the reason, like you did in november last year when we were just newly-jadian couple, and i still don't know. you gave me this strange-insecure feeling that makes me not hate you, but love you even more. people said that women tend to fall in love with a bad guy, i guess you are my bad guy in a way. hahaha.. yes, admit it baby, you are a bad guy.

anyways, not anymore tho (right? right? hahah), because i really think that you are the nicest and kindest human being ever walk on earth. sometimes, you really said things that made me cry my hard (even threw up one day), but then i realized that it's just your way to make me strong, and not be my sensitive-whiny-self.

you are loving you know. the way you said i love you in times when i don't expect it to happen, always, always, always makes me crazy. i love it. and i love you even more.

there are days when it's just so hard to love you, but in a second, you would do things that makes me falls for you twice as hard the last time. hhmm, how do you do that?

and the way you made me laugh, oh God, the way we laugh from some unimportant things, to simply playing a joke on each other, or just to call each other names.. stupid, silly, call it all you want, but that's close to heaven when we are laughing.

or the way you touch me, kiss me, hold me, care for me, or simply whisper i love you, that, baby, is heaven for me.

you are my world. you realized that?

i know it is sometimes annoying to see me go crazy over stupid things, but be patient with me baby, i only do that because i love you too much. learn how to deal with that part of me (the unacceptable ones), as i learn yours. accept who i am with all these craziness, as i learn with your own craziness. bear with me when i scream, mad, cry, as i would stand beside you during those times. love me when the tough gets going, as i care for you when it happens.

abang sayangku,

i believe that at the end of this, i will be standing with you. holding hands. looking at each other. still revolving around each other. crazily depending on each other. and of course, mad, mad, madly in love.

i love you baby.

miss you.

Mama.

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