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These past months, I often wish that I have the power to say that I want to leave this big house. The big house that my parents bought back when my sisters and I were young (and still think that nothing can set us apart).

I don't why I can't leave this house. Many times I have tried but I can't. Maybe because I am afraid that my mom would be alone once I am not here, since all my sisters have their own place to stay, but most likely because I probably just don't have the guts to do so. (I know that some would agree to the latter, and not the first, since by now they would find out that their big sister doesn't have any courage after all).

These past months, I also often wish that I live so far away from my family especially my sisters, though I can't because I depend on them on times when I can't even stand on my feet (not that this happens often, but the thought that some people are ready to lend their hands for you is nice). But living with families have annoying downside as well, especially when they try to meddle.

Meddle is one thing.

Let's mix meddle with judgement and add some sprinkles of tantrum. Wow. Tell you what happen, you'll see some screaming, some door slamming, some cryings, some frowning, and in the end, some GOOD OL' SILENCE!

I am the queen of meddling, especially in my sisters' life, but I thought I should stop it once they are all married, since they are now much much wiser in doing whatever they need to do.

They are.

The only thing is, they think that I can't be wise in the choices I made in my life.

'I don't treat my mom the way I should.'

'I don't pay the things I should pay in the house.'

'I yell at my daughter too much.'

'I don't spend too much time with my daughter.'

'I don't hold my son well.'

'I shouldn't treat the maid the wrong may.'

'I am too tough on my daughter.'

'I don't take my daughter out for fun often enough.'

'I read the Koran in the wrong way.'

'I shouldn't talk to my husband the way I do.'

'Your daughter is 'naughty' because of you.'

Sometimes, I wish that I can do things my way, without judgement. If it's not good, then be it not good for ME.

Sometimes, I just wish for respect.

and no sharp-tongue please.. trust me, it hurts like crazy.

Comments

yenni 'yendoel' said…
oh, kie, i understand your feeling! take it easy my dear! i believe you love all your beloved one in different ways, in special ways, cause you're special yourself.
11:49 AM
yenni 'yendoel' said…
This comment has been removed by the author.
11:49 AM
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